It is frustrating to hear that you've been robbed of credit!
My immediate thought went to wonder if this "left-washing" is a deliberate attempt to "pre-bunk" your non-prejorative concept of masculinity among particular people. It seems like that was part of the problem with others warping the meaning.
If the goal is to continue to keep people bitter and hateful of each other, it would make sense why such a concept would need to be "removed from play".
Hopefully I'm wrong about that and that this is just a messy misunderstanding that will work itself out as people who know the true origin " correct the record". Or even that the new (to many) phrase ends up leading people to dig deeper.
The best case scenario in my mind is that it can be a rallying cry for others to consider what tonic masculinity can be like, inspiring a constellation of creative works to share, express, and promote the idea!
I think I just missed my calling in propaganda, Gabe. It's pretty hilarious, when you think about it. When the Brofest Boys stole my term, they made it anti-gay, anti-trans, anti-feminine men and anti-women, except for their select few. So they focused on masculine as opposed to feminine rather than tonic as opposed to toxic, which they didn't believe existed anyway.
Then it got stolen from them by the gender equity woke police. Ha!
And Eisenstein steals it from me, and just when the candidate he's campaign manager for steps down, the Kamala/ Walz campaign steals it to defeat Trump, losing any political favors he would have gained.
When I was 10 or 11, Beyond the Fringe came to DC, and my folks went to see them in a theater-in-the-round setting. If anything that follows is sophomoric/adolescent, my legal team will chalk it up to a permissive but disruptive upbringing amplified by an early exposure to top-drawer British humo(u)r.
Brofest Boys? Eschew propaganda & go for the dough in product marketing and ad-copy. I'm seeing the Gin & Tonic fraternity boys as spokesmen and actors in a commercial for an ultra-specialized artisanal biscuit, centrally placed, at which circumferentially located Brofest Boys aim in an age-old aristocratic competition, traditionally practiced at high-end boys prep schools (a junior varsity version of Skull & Bones' initiation ceremony?). They're not gay, of course...touching each other would turn it into an actual circle jerk...but I can't seem to think of a better product name than Brokeback Biscuit, yet, so if anyone can come up with something to top it, feel encouraged to reply below. (I can delete this upon request, but I can't promise you'll be able to unsee it right away...advertising lingers.)
I'm so glad you read this, Isaac, I was looking forward to your thoughts. Thanks much for the compliment and reality check ;-) Glad we're seeing the same sky, even from opposite sides of the globe.
I don't understand even the lack of basic good manners: sure, "steal" the phrase (as so many of them admitted to doing, or were planning to do; but what's so difficult about giving attribution to the person who originally came up with the phrase? There's such a lack of honesty and integrity afoot today, even among those you would expect to be more "decent". But, no. Ironic, too, since these phrase thieves go on and on about supposedly good attributes of masculinity.
Such scoundrels.
(I'm not one for profanity, but I kept laughing every time I stumbled on your new middle name for Eisenstein- who turned me off long ago with his New Agey woowoo gobbledygook. Ay, there's the rub. So un-masculine right there.)
Oooh scoundrels, what a great word! And I'm so glad you see the contradiction between their opining about how superior they are as men, and able to say the 'unpopular' things that need saying, and then hurling a few grenades from their Brofest Bunker but refusing to go hand-to-hand in arguing their ideas. I believe they've stopped using the term but mostly stopped communicating with me so I wouldn't know.
And heh heh, glad I could tickle you with CFE. I think profanity should be saved for when you REALLY mean it.
"...hurling a few grenades from their Brofest Bunker..."
Wish I could work that into the Brokeback Biscuit ad, somehow, but I'd have to use a "J" word in front of 'grenade'...at least the image will linger for a little while this afternoon.
I'm so glad you included that, Mark! When I was reading over the episodes, that was the line that really encapsulated the whole superior perspective to me. And it still makes me laugh! But he was absolutely serious.
I think you're giving Jay too much credit, Mark, but you're onto an important clue, I think. Competition is inherently about establishing superiority, which is how I define toxic masculinity. My motto is love the person--seeing everyone as your equal--and challenge the ideas. Because of the lens of competition, my challenge to the idea (of superiority) was seen as me trying to make myself superior, aka Little Miss Bossypants. But the Bro Code is also that men don't challenge their friends' ideas, which is why there was complete solidarity in ganging up on me when I stopped flattering them.
Some months after I had joined and secured a little display place on a bookshelf to market myself and my skills for anyone interested in learning English, a youngish couple 40 and 41, and their three kids started showing up every Thursday evening, marketing themselves as an English school for kids. After a couple of times of seeing them in passing, I introduced myself to the family and struck up a conversation with the father about our shared distrust of the public school system, the values it represented, and worry about the future of Japan. He had taken a medical leave of absence from his company to try and start up his own family business with those values in mind for his own children as well as those of others.
His English wasn't very good, so our conversations were in Japanese (still have recordings of many of them) ... but those conversations were long, and became a regular part of what we both agreed would be a collaboration as business partners to build local classes.
For about 6 months since about last March, we'd been having weekly meetings at a nearby diner (during bad weather, by Zoom), every Wednesday morning for about 3 hours or so. I agreed to work pro bono until we had enough income to make a viable business model. We planned on how to integrate A.I. into materials, (e.g. ElevenLabs voice generation for custom designed listening material), integrate with other members of the community (I introduced him and his daughter to Soup no Kai, a roving soup kitchen serving the homeless that I have been with for over a decade), and we planned on me designing and teaching advanced academic courses in line with my background as a college prof.
I taught those Thursday kids' classes using my own materials of gaming strategies, real information gaps, and other learning psychology tricks-of-the-trade I'd picked up over the last 40 years. The students tripled, and we opened classes at two other locations. He and his wife handled marketing and the books, I did the teaching ... now three times a week, and attended local festivals and events as the foreign face with a professional background.
Six months rolled by, summer was looming, and a casual chat with the local community center manager revealed that we had more than enough students to start sharing the profits. When I brought this up over a Zoom meeting, he immediately said he would have to consult with his wife ... who up until then, had no presence or voiced no ideas or opinions in our weekly meetings. After a day or two of consulting with his 'new business partner', by Zoom, he informed me they were deep in the red. When I asked him to show me the books of the previous month, he refused to do so and flew into a rage at the mere thought that I no longer trusted him ... classic behavior of a pathologically opportunistic narcissist.
Overnight, "we" changed in meaning from him and me as business partners, to him and his wife as a family business, me as their part-time employee, and openly stating that the monthly income of the family business took priority over helping make a sustainable community and future for his kids. My 6 months work would not be compensated, and would be consigned to free advise from his "friend and mentor". During a dinner meeting immediately after I had taught a Thursday evening of 3 kids' classes, the following terms were given to me as "the best they can do":
1 — I would be relieved of teaching at their other two locations, and they would hire other foreigners.
2 — I was no longer to be expected to come to (or invited) local events or festivals as a representative of 'their' school.
3 — Implied, but not stated ... my face and photos, and professional background would still be advertised on-line and in brochures as proof of the school's credentials. Neither the husband nor wife had a background in education, academics, or any kind of graduate degree.
4 — I would prepare for and teach what had become three classes at the local community center, at ¥1,000 per hour ... (about $6.80) a bit below the Japanese legal minimum hourly wage.
5 — I would be paid an extra ¥1000 per hour for 2 hours a week to design a program or class management template which their other hired foreigners would be expected to follow.
Though with a slow burn, I listened quietly, and upon saying I would have to think about this ... they suddenly realized I was not going to immediately agree for the sake of the kids. They panicked a bit, and quickly came up with a consolation prize for me having lost their game.
As the going rate for teaching English, even by unqualified, unexperienced native speakers is several times higher than what they were offering me on an hourly basis, they offered to try and help me pick up some adult classes apart from their school from among parents. I reminded them that if no interest had been shown during the previous 6 months, there would not likely be any interest through their 'urging'.
A few days later, by LINE, I sent the husband and wife a short, but firm rejection of their offer and resignation from what had become 6 months of 'volunteer-advisory' work. He asked for an immediate dinner meeting to make a counter offer, which I rejected. I no longer trust him or his wife ... and in retrospect, his statement of values were merely ayes and echoes of what I was saying ... anything to exploit the most "stolen valor' out of me.
The manager of the co-op was both shocked and ashamed at my treatment, and suggested I attend the following Thursday night classes as an 'observer', to tell the parents I had resigned (without going into details), and offer my services to those who are still interested in English classes. As the weather was bad, only a couple of parents showed up, and only one of whom I became engaged with in a great conversation about learning languages (she was studying Spanish), music, and left-brain / right-brain theory (Jill Bolte Taylor).
I observed how he filled in for me ... using my material, my methodology for starting and ending classes, and so on. I could not understand some of the English words he was trying to teach, and after 20 minutes of trying to explain a new game in Japanese, some of the students still did not understand the rules. Will have to go back again this coming Thursday, if nothing else but to chat with a child psychiatrist and her son who I introduced to the 'school'.
I realized that his school was doomed to failure. Among the ideas we had talked about several months ago, was a 'fractal curriculum', one in which each class was a fractal of a larger program ... but what he had not understood, is that a school is a fractal of the community. Though some of the kids's parents have no more a mature adult's ideals than he does, some of the kids' parents speak better English than he does. I will not have to say a thing to others, and just let his 'teaching' show him for what he is — a rank opportunist exploiting hopeful parents, children with dreams, and a foreigner with ideals.
Either as a member of the community co-op, as an education specialist, or as a foreigner, the less I say, the better. I just wish the kids did not have to suffer the fall out.
——————
Though I have nothing to say about toxic or tonic genders, upon reading the stolen valor and misappropriation of "toxic masculinity" ... I could not help but to reminisce about my own experience with education, community, and what it means to be a human being.
Ha. Or what it means to be a crow. I suspect they are just intelligent enough to have unique toxic and tonic temperaments of their own. 😂
I'm so sorry that you had that experience Steve. I sincerely hope your life is leading you where you need to be, and you'll look back on what seemed to be futile diversions and think, "But if it hadn't been for that, this good thing wouldn't have happened." I'm holding that possibility for you.
Eisenstein embodies a 'special lack of Grace'...the cornerstone of a class-less society. He'd probably fancy himself as an ally of Molly Millions from Neuromancer, who'd probably just slice & dice him and leave him like no-count, lo-cal snack food wrapped incel-o-phane. Musta notta gotta lotta, me thinks.
Dude's inspired by manly sacrifice in Aurora, CO? An apartment complex there needs liberating...
No one does insouciance like little Molly! And I forgot how much I loved Sara and Rebecka. So gorgeous!
I don't know if you remember on my Deep Fakes episode that Eisenstein's promoting free love communes as the way to end 'possessiveness' and war. Notta gotta lotta, methinks too.
I was going to post a YT clip of that song by Joe Ely, but thought it might have skewed the gently tonic thrust of my post...but here, separately, maybe it will fit right in, not seem to be 'missplaced' and help everything sorta come together. (1:08 to skip crowd noise...there are other clips of this, but my kid brother ran sound & lights at La Zona Rosa long ago. Plus the pedal steel guy has played with Jerry Jeff Walker and Steve Fromholz.) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8FFwh_-Zu5g
Thanks. Your bringing up Jerry Jeff re minded my of Guy Clark's tune, "Boats to Build". (link)
Updated with the new title "Bombs to Build". Sub bombs for boats and there you have it. My "liberal" suburban neighborhood in the upper Midwest is covered with Kamala-Walz signs. Gag...
The Ray Wylie Hubbard tune (link) can be updated to "Screw You, We're from the Empire of Lies". Unkindly Uncle Timmy represents that backhanded compliment, "Minnesota Nice". I assured my wife that the people in Gaza and the West Bank will find it "tonicy" to be murdered by the DEI rep and kindly uncle Timmy. I actually find Timmy to be "smarmy".
To mash up Firesign Theater and Guy Clark, I think we're all desperados waiting for a train on this bus. I keep seeing articles about quarantine/re-education camps being constructed in 50 states. I suspect each half of our carefully divided population of likely voters has visions of those camps soon being populated by losing voters from the other side, perhaps with their former lawn signs hung around their necks, with the signs' original simplified messages obscured & overwritten with elaborate descriptions of the losing faction's political wrongthink, the victors giddy from inhaling the volatile solvents that are used to keep the pigment flowing in unsustainable, but useful and necessary, felt-tipped pens.
Eisenstein is almost certainly an operative. He’s a very effective shepherd of a certain type that is very hard to herd but still herdable. And this is a global herd and cull op, so …
Thanks for reminding me of that fine word 'operative,' baba gbb. I was struggling to find an alternative for controlled opposition or CIA agent, which is too specific. But yes, what I've been leaning towards and now feel certain is that he's a covert operative. I don't really need to know who he's working for or what his agenda is. I know that it's not what it appears on the surface. I kept in all of his bumbling misdirections in the interview because they're signs of his dissembling. He's got a script that he's piecing together. And knowing he stole this from me, what else has he stolen that makes us believe in him? That was Malone's trick too, he stole my whole point about the ivermectin horse meme, which is how I knew he was still keeping an eye on me. They use our own words to get credibility with others, reflecting us back to ourselves while doing the opposite.
I think most folk like Eisenstein (media friendly types who write and talk a lot) work for Signature Reduction, a US DoD spy agency that works to reduce the signature of the DoD on its covert ops.
Not to devalue your concerns with word/concept stealing, you would hate being an artist and watching all the theft of your work...if I wanted to I could spend hours a day going after copyright thieves. But I decided long ago to just keep creating. They can't or they would. I can.
I'm wracking my brain to come up with an example that would show the difference, but I can't. When Jay said 'Stealing that!' I answered, 'Yes, please!' When I came back and listed all the authors who'd gone on to write articles, I said, "Am I an influencer? Please tell me I am. I always wanted to be."
So I was enthusiastic about them stealing my idea and propagating it. A meme, for instance, is a pictoral idea, it expresses a concept. So what's stolen is the concept as a whole. It's only power is as a whole.
What they did was steal the words and negate their meaning. They actually were great at giving Jay credit for the invention--but even after they knew he got it from me, they couldn't bring themselves to say a woman had come up with it, or had any say in what it meant.
The example I give is regenerative agriculture. If I coined that term, I'd want people to steal the concept all day and night, no credit needed. But if Monsanto started using it for GMO crops, I'd cry foul. And funny enough, after I made up that example, they started doing it.
'Twisted valor.' What an excellent wordsmith you are. Had you come up with tonic masculinity, it would have been entirely in character (unlike Ax Lizzie, who couldn't even come up with a better name under which to post what a kindly gent that Walz is? I can't get the stupid rhyme out of my head now.)
I wasn't saying you shouldn't be upset. At all. It just reminded me of how I used to get upset. I've made hundreds of memes and never even signed them and I see them around even years later....but it used to upset me when people stole my drawings/paintings/phrases on shirts and took my signature off. It takes so much work to get them taken down that I gave up trying. It still upsets me sometimes but too much work to fix. Maybe you should do a poem or a post and CLAIM the phrase. It's a wonderful one!
“What they did was steal the words and negate their meaning.” That’s so wrong. And so typical. Glad you called it out! And as @HeatherB says, keep creating.
The saga continues… I think the first time I read a post of yours was you dealing with the tonic masculinity issue. The term got introduced to me by you. I like it because it reminds me of some kind of fancy drink. Stirred not iced. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. 😞
Tereza, I’ve really been enjoying your recent posts, though as a lurker not a commenter. But, as you might recall, I’m not a fan of dichotomies, most of which are false. (The current most obvious false dichotomy being the continued use of left and right regarding political leanings.)
The problem with tonic/toxic is that they are on a continuum. Every medicine is also a poison, depending only on the dose, and one person’s tonic is another’s poison (as some other original, unknown, unremembered word cobbler said).
Coining terms is fun and takes a lot of creativity, but it is also—outside the advertising world—generally thankless. It’s also, imho, usually not the most important thing. To put it into perspective, here’s what Perplexity tells me about “The Theory of Relativity”:
“The term "theory of relativity" was not coined by Einstein himself. According to historical records: Alfred Bucherer, a German physicist, was the first to use the phrase "theory of relativity" (German: Relativitätstheorie) in 1906. He used this term while criticizing Einstein's ideas.”
Jack, it's good to know that you're still lurking! And since you've said that you only comment when your opinion differs, I take your silence as a compliment ;-)
You and I agree about dichotomies. If you look at the 'address' for my Substack emails, it's 'between the false dichotomies.'
You know I'm all about definitions. How I define toxic is superiority, something that's not medicinal or healing in any quantity, imo. The Brofest Boys define tonic masculinity as superiority--being more intelligent, principled, stronger and capable than women. I think you read many of these at the time, but the last couple will refresh your memory if you think my gripe is merely using my term. They used it as a negation of toxic masculinity, rebranding it. If you have another word for that superiority (if you agree that's what it is) I recommend that you translate into a term with less baggage for you than toxic. It's why the definitions of what someone means by their language is so important, so we can keep the concepts but translate the words.
My definition of tonic masculinity is an entirely different paradigm of society, restructured with raising children as the priority, the reason we exist. It sees women as fundamentally different than men only in their capacity to be mothers--which is NOT analogous to a father, again imo. So Tonic Masculinity, by my definition, is supportive to women in their role of caring for children. It's not the absence of superiority to women, it's an active decision that women are, by their biology, irrevocably closer to the function of our lives and purpose of our societies. All our philosophies, religions, politics and culture is to obscure this self-evident point.
That was the revolutionary thing that CFE had said in his piece on I Like to Fight. I now recognize it was bullshit in terms of his purpose. But his talent is using truth and turning it into ephemeral platitudes. I created the term to express this concept, so we could talk about it.
Interesting about Einstein and Bucherer. I've been reading things that call Einstein into question too. So his theft of the term from his critic (an apt comparison to CFE & me) may show a generalization that 'great artists steal' is as stupid as 'charity begins at home' and 'the road to hell is paved with good intentions.'
Dr. Lee Merritt has a short clip that might interest you about Einstein...the Einstein part starts at about 3:00, just after a short part about John Enders, who was the first one to supposedly 'isolate' a virus. Like me, she is more impressed by Richard Feynman, so I'm posting a couple of funny Feynman clips after her clip on The Frontmen.
Tonic Masculinity is a perfect phrase, the way YOU put it forward. And you are so good at that. I can only imagine what it feels like to hear your brilliant ideas being bandied about and used in the opposite way in which you intended. #poeticinjustice, INDEED.I often want to say something I read before but I cannot remember who said it, so I will say that when I say it. Or I will try to figure out who it was, or I leave it out............I can understand "forgetting" and having a great new phrase in your head. It happens to me all the time, but in this case it's a little more clear that you are just being excluded. He was just acting like he thought of it himself. ".........I like to coin, tonic masculinity".
Thanks so much for that, Amy. Yes, I have the same thing. I remember that one of my early readers (Lindsey?) coined socio-spirituality to describe what I was doing. Sometimes I give anonymous credit and other times I don't but I always know I didn't come up with it.
When Jay Rollins first wrote, "Stealing that," rather than asking permission (as I often do with phrases I want to use), I should have taken him literally instead of thinking that was a figure of speech. Instead of strengthening the idea by sharing it, he meant to appropriate the phrase.
What occurred to me this morning is that I'm the first woman, to my knowledge, to have come up with the phrase tonic masculinity. While the term toxic masculinity was certainly coined by a woman and is used almost exclusively by women to name a collection of behaviors that hitherto had no term to encapsulate it. To women, including myself, toxic masculinity exists. I define it as an assumed superiority to women. The BroFest Boys demonstrated it in spades.
Their use of the term was a negation that toxic masculinity doesn't exist, and is just an invention of bitter, ugly, hostile women. For them, tonic masculinity is how men treat men.
To strengthen the idea of tonic masculinity I think requires women writing about partners, ex-partners, fathers, sons, brothers, friends. It's identifying the qualities that we love about men, that make us feel safe and seen and appreciated. It's what makes you melt with pride in your sons, and the way you've taught them to be with women.
I'd love to see you write what you think is tonic masculinity, Amy.
I have been thinking about this. I will get back to you on it. It's a lovely thing to think about. I will share some thoughts. I am traveling at high speeds these days. About to settle back in here in the next two weeks. I will be making more appearances here very soon.
I'm in no hurry ... ever. I'm encouraged that you're thinking about it and that it's lovely to think about. I'm thinking about a back porch project and picking colors. Just your existence made me think that perhaps the cement half-wall to the yard didn't need to be one color. Maybe it could be marblish. Having named this The Art House gives me free rein. Wheee!!!
The ART HOUSE! I love that. YES, it can be so many things! :) Haha. I am honored that my existence plays in when you are thinking about enjoying your space :) *bows
Ah! I love your porch and your kitchen table area, all the patterns and warm colors and wood are nice. I love those little art figures too. I turned one into a robot to go along with a painting I had in a show called "Robot Love." I will snap a picture of her later and share it in notes and tag you on it. They are a lot of fun.
“The story made emotional contact with people’s need to have their suspicions confirmed, and found a home with their preexisting belief that they had been duped,” the Harvard-educated New Age guru told reporters gathered in Kingston, New York on Thursday morning.
“When you want to sell someone something, you have to work with what they are already carrying around,” Eisenstein said. “You pack it with some existing baggage and then you get a result. They carry it for you, like a bell boy.”
Excellent, Eric! What I heard from someone who knew him back then was that Charles was a kombucha vendor at festivals. What this guy observed is that he didn't mingle with the other vendors, and kept to himself, seeming to think himself superior.
And just before anyone else thinks of claiming it, I'm claiming #ginandtonicmasculinity to mean those without much masculinity such as our friend Charles...
I will (and did) give it to the Brofest Boys that they are fine writers. Harrison Koehli wrote this one, with the homage to John Carter, and playing on the gin and tonic reference: https://ponerology.substack.com/p/what-is-a-man?
I just don't know if I can insult that fine cocktail with the comparison, although I prefer my gin in an up dirty martini with an olive and a twist. I think our friend Charles is flat Fanta orange soda rebranded as non-alcoholic kombucha for the sober-curious. (and I stole that last phrase from Nancy Friedman to be not hypocritical)
It is frustrating to hear that you've been robbed of credit!
My immediate thought went to wonder if this "left-washing" is a deliberate attempt to "pre-bunk" your non-prejorative concept of masculinity among particular people. It seems like that was part of the problem with others warping the meaning.
If the goal is to continue to keep people bitter and hateful of each other, it would make sense why such a concept would need to be "removed from play".
Hopefully I'm wrong about that and that this is just a messy misunderstanding that will work itself out as people who know the true origin " correct the record". Or even that the new (to many) phrase ends up leading people to dig deeper.
The best case scenario in my mind is that it can be a rallying cry for others to consider what tonic masculinity can be like, inspiring a constellation of creative works to share, express, and promote the idea!
I think I just missed my calling in propaganda, Gabe. It's pretty hilarious, when you think about it. When the Brofest Boys stole my term, they made it anti-gay, anti-trans, anti-feminine men and anti-women, except for their select few. So they focused on masculine as opposed to feminine rather than tonic as opposed to toxic, which they didn't believe existed anyway.
Then it got stolen from them by the gender equity woke police. Ha!
And Eisenstein steals it from me, and just when the candidate he's campaign manager for steps down, the Kamala/ Walz campaign steals it to defeat Trump, losing any political favors he would have gained.
How about #poetickarma?
When I was 10 or 11, Beyond the Fringe came to DC, and my folks went to see them in a theater-in-the-round setting. If anything that follows is sophomoric/adolescent, my legal team will chalk it up to a permissive but disruptive upbringing amplified by an early exposure to top-drawer British humo(u)r.
Brofest Boys? Eschew propaganda & go for the dough in product marketing and ad-copy. I'm seeing the Gin & Tonic fraternity boys as spokesmen and actors in a commercial for an ultra-specialized artisanal biscuit, centrally placed, at which circumferentially located Brofest Boys aim in an age-old aristocratic competition, traditionally practiced at high-end boys prep schools (a junior varsity version of Skull & Bones' initiation ceremony?). They're not gay, of course...touching each other would turn it into an actual circle jerk...but I can't seem to think of a better product name than Brokeback Biscuit, yet, so if anyone can come up with something to top it, feel encouraged to reply below. (I can delete this upon request, but I can't promise you'll be able to unsee it right away...advertising lingers.)
Both depressing and fantastic (the fantastic part being you of course).
“So it seems this originated on a Catholic anti-porn site.”
That was a fun plot twist. Charles fucking Eisenstein indeed.
I'm so glad you read this, Isaac, I was looking forward to your thoughts. Thanks much for the compliment and reality check ;-) Glad we're seeing the same sky, even from opposite sides of the globe.
I don't understand even the lack of basic good manners: sure, "steal" the phrase (as so many of them admitted to doing, or were planning to do; but what's so difficult about giving attribution to the person who originally came up with the phrase? There's such a lack of honesty and integrity afoot today, even among those you would expect to be more "decent". But, no. Ironic, too, since these phrase thieves go on and on about supposedly good attributes of masculinity.
Such scoundrels.
(I'm not one for profanity, but I kept laughing every time I stumbled on your new middle name for Eisenstein- who turned me off long ago with his New Agey woowoo gobbledygook. Ay, there's the rub. So un-masculine right there.)
Oooh scoundrels, what a great word! And I'm so glad you see the contradiction between their opining about how superior they are as men, and able to say the 'unpopular' things that need saying, and then hurling a few grenades from their Brofest Bunker but refusing to go hand-to-hand in arguing their ideas. I believe they've stopped using the term but mostly stopped communicating with me so I wouldn't know.
And heh heh, glad I could tickle you with CFE. I think profanity should be saved for when you REALLY mean it.
"...hurling a few grenades from their Brofest Bunker..."
Wish I could work that into the Brokeback Biscuit ad, somehow, but I'd have to use a "J" word in front of 'grenade'...at least the image will linger for a little while this afternoon.
This quote from Jay (from your earlier article) seems to sum up what's going on here:
"Competition between men is basic to masculinity, Tereza. Competition with men, as a woman, on the other hand, makes you Little Miss Bossypants."
One could interpret this as sarcasm, but he seems to be serious.
I'm so glad you included that, Mark! When I was reading over the episodes, that was the line that really encapsulated the whole superior perspective to me. And it still makes me laugh! But he was absolutely serious.
I think this stance could be restated as follows:
1. Subjects like ethics and philosophy are competitive games, with winners and losers.
2. Men are competitive, women are not
3. Therefore, women should not play these games.
I think you're giving Jay too much credit, Mark, but you're onto an important clue, I think. Competition is inherently about establishing superiority, which is how I define toxic masculinity. My motto is love the person--seeing everyone as your equal--and challenge the ideas. Because of the lens of competition, my challenge to the idea (of superiority) was seen as me trying to make myself superior, aka Little Miss Bossypants. But the Bro Code is also that men don't challenge their friends' ideas, which is why there was complete solidarity in ganging up on me when I stopped flattering them.
Part II
Some months after I had joined and secured a little display place on a bookshelf to market myself and my skills for anyone interested in learning English, a youngish couple 40 and 41, and their three kids started showing up every Thursday evening, marketing themselves as an English school for kids. After a couple of times of seeing them in passing, I introduced myself to the family and struck up a conversation with the father about our shared distrust of the public school system, the values it represented, and worry about the future of Japan. He had taken a medical leave of absence from his company to try and start up his own family business with those values in mind for his own children as well as those of others.
His English wasn't very good, so our conversations were in Japanese (still have recordings of many of them) ... but those conversations were long, and became a regular part of what we both agreed would be a collaboration as business partners to build local classes.
For about 6 months since about last March, we'd been having weekly meetings at a nearby diner (during bad weather, by Zoom), every Wednesday morning for about 3 hours or so. I agreed to work pro bono until we had enough income to make a viable business model. We planned on how to integrate A.I. into materials, (e.g. ElevenLabs voice generation for custom designed listening material), integrate with other members of the community (I introduced him and his daughter to Soup no Kai, a roving soup kitchen serving the homeless that I have been with for over a decade), and we planned on me designing and teaching advanced academic courses in line with my background as a college prof.
I taught those Thursday kids' classes using my own materials of gaming strategies, real information gaps, and other learning psychology tricks-of-the-trade I'd picked up over the last 40 years. The students tripled, and we opened classes at two other locations. He and his wife handled marketing and the books, I did the teaching ... now three times a week, and attended local festivals and events as the foreign face with a professional background.
Six months rolled by, summer was looming, and a casual chat with the local community center manager revealed that we had more than enough students to start sharing the profits. When I brought this up over a Zoom meeting, he immediately said he would have to consult with his wife ... who up until then, had no presence or voiced no ideas or opinions in our weekly meetings. After a day or two of consulting with his 'new business partner', by Zoom, he informed me they were deep in the red. When I asked him to show me the books of the previous month, he refused to do so and flew into a rage at the mere thought that I no longer trusted him ... classic behavior of a pathologically opportunistic narcissist.
Overnight, "we" changed in meaning from him and me as business partners, to him and his wife as a family business, me as their part-time employee, and openly stating that the monthly income of the family business took priority over helping make a sustainable community and future for his kids. My 6 months work would not be compensated, and would be consigned to free advise from his "friend and mentor". During a dinner meeting immediately after I had taught a Thursday evening of 3 kids' classes, the following terms were given to me as "the best they can do":
1 — I would be relieved of teaching at their other two locations, and they would hire other foreigners.
2 — I was no longer to be expected to come to (or invited) local events or festivals as a representative of 'their' school.
3 — Implied, but not stated ... my face and photos, and professional background would still be advertised on-line and in brochures as proof of the school's credentials. Neither the husband nor wife had a background in education, academics, or any kind of graduate degree.
4 — I would prepare for and teach what had become three classes at the local community center, at ¥1,000 per hour ... (about $6.80) a bit below the Japanese legal minimum hourly wage.
5 — I would be paid an extra ¥1000 per hour for 2 hours a week to design a program or class management template which their other hired foreigners would be expected to follow.
Though with a slow burn, I listened quietly, and upon saying I would have to think about this ... they suddenly realized I was not going to immediately agree for the sake of the kids. They panicked a bit, and quickly came up with a consolation prize for me having lost their game.
As the going rate for teaching English, even by unqualified, unexperienced native speakers is several times higher than what they were offering me on an hourly basis, they offered to try and help me pick up some adult classes apart from their school from among parents. I reminded them that if no interest had been shown during the previous 6 months, there would not likely be any interest through their 'urging'.
A few days later, by LINE, I sent the husband and wife a short, but firm rejection of their offer and resignation from what had become 6 months of 'volunteer-advisory' work. He asked for an immediate dinner meeting to make a counter offer, which I rejected. I no longer trust him or his wife ... and in retrospect, his statement of values were merely ayes and echoes of what I was saying ... anything to exploit the most "stolen valor' out of me.
The manager of the co-op was both shocked and ashamed at my treatment, and suggested I attend the following Thursday night classes as an 'observer', to tell the parents I had resigned (without going into details), and offer my services to those who are still interested in English classes. As the weather was bad, only a couple of parents showed up, and only one of whom I became engaged with in a great conversation about learning languages (she was studying Spanish), music, and left-brain / right-brain theory (Jill Bolte Taylor).
I observed how he filled in for me ... using my material, my methodology for starting and ending classes, and so on. I could not understand some of the English words he was trying to teach, and after 20 minutes of trying to explain a new game in Japanese, some of the students still did not understand the rules. Will have to go back again this coming Thursday, if nothing else but to chat with a child psychiatrist and her son who I introduced to the 'school'.
I realized that his school was doomed to failure. Among the ideas we had talked about several months ago, was a 'fractal curriculum', one in which each class was a fractal of a larger program ... but what he had not understood, is that a school is a fractal of the community. Though some of the kids's parents have no more a mature adult's ideals than he does, some of the kids' parents speak better English than he does. I will not have to say a thing to others, and just let his 'teaching' show him for what he is — a rank opportunist exploiting hopeful parents, children with dreams, and a foreigner with ideals.
Either as a member of the community co-op, as an education specialist, or as a foreigner, the less I say, the better. I just wish the kids did not have to suffer the fall out.
——————
Though I have nothing to say about toxic or tonic genders, upon reading the stolen valor and misappropriation of "toxic masculinity" ... I could not help but to reminisce about my own experience with education, community, and what it means to be a human being.
Ha. Or what it means to be a crow. I suspect they are just intelligent enough to have unique toxic and tonic temperaments of their own. 😂
Live and learn.
Cheers Tereza.
I'm so sorry that you had that experience Steve. I sincerely hope your life is leading you where you need to be, and you'll look back on what seemed to be futile diversions and think, "But if it hadn't been for that, this good thing wouldn't have happened." I'm holding that possibility for you.
Skimmed & scammed again by Felonius, yer old friend... www.youtube.com/watch?v=v3upE_89blA www.youtube.com/watch?v=260ByEEq9-s https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QrmSEc_Sx5c
Eisenstein embodies a 'special lack of Grace'...the cornerstone of a class-less society. He'd probably fancy himself as an ally of Molly Millions from Neuromancer, who'd probably just slice & dice him and leave him like no-count, lo-cal snack food wrapped incel-o-phane. Musta notta gotta lotta, me thinks.
Dude's inspired by manly sacrifice in Aurora, CO? An apartment complex there needs liberating...
No one does insouciance like little Molly! And I forgot how much I loved Sara and Rebecka. So gorgeous!
I don't know if you remember on my Deep Fakes episode that Eisenstein's promoting free love communes as the way to end 'possessiveness' and war. Notta gotta lotta, methinks too.
I was going to post a YT clip of that song by Joe Ely, but thought it might have skewed the gently tonic thrust of my post...but here, separately, maybe it will fit right in, not seem to be 'missplaced' and help everything sorta come together. (1:08 to skip crowd noise...there are other clips of this, but my kid brother ran sound & lights at La Zona Rosa long ago. Plus the pedal steel guy has played with Jerry Jeff Walker and Steve Fromholz.) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8FFwh_-Zu5g
Thanks. Your bringing up Jerry Jeff re minded my of Guy Clark's tune, "Boats to Build". (link)
Updated with the new title "Bombs to Build". Sub bombs for boats and there you have it. My "liberal" suburban neighborhood in the upper Midwest is covered with Kamala-Walz signs. Gag...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TaCtloljfzs
The Ray Wylie Hubbard tune (link) can be updated to "Screw You, We're from the Empire of Lies". Unkindly Uncle Timmy represents that backhanded compliment, "Minnesota Nice". I assured my wife that the people in Gaza and the West Bank will find it "tonicy" to be murdered by the DEI rep and kindly uncle Timmy. I actually find Timmy to be "smarmy".
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8-cFtSPIF4Q
To mash up Firesign Theater and Guy Clark, I think we're all desperados waiting for a train on this bus. I keep seeing articles about quarantine/re-education camps being constructed in 50 states. I suspect each half of our carefully divided population of likely voters has visions of those camps soon being populated by losing voters from the other side, perhaps with their former lawn signs hung around their necks, with the signs' original simplified messages obscured & overwritten with elaborate descriptions of the losing faction's political wrongthink, the victors giddy from inhaling the volatile solvents that are used to keep the pigment flowing in unsustainable, but useful and necessary, felt-tipped pens.
Agreed on smarmy! I'd never leave my daughters alone with him.
Eisenstein is almost certainly an operative. He’s a very effective shepherd of a certain type that is very hard to herd but still herdable. And this is a global herd and cull op, so …
Thanks for reminding me of that fine word 'operative,' baba gbb. I was struggling to find an alternative for controlled opposition or CIA agent, which is too specific. But yes, what I've been leaning towards and now feel certain is that he's a covert operative. I don't really need to know who he's working for or what his agenda is. I know that it's not what it appears on the surface. I kept in all of his bumbling misdirections in the interview because they're signs of his dissembling. He's got a script that he's piecing together. And knowing he stole this from me, what else has he stolen that makes us believe in him? That was Malone's trick too, he stole my whole point about the ivermectin horse meme, which is how I knew he was still keeping an eye on me. They use our own words to get credibility with others, reflecting us back to ourselves while doing the opposite.
I think most folk like Eisenstein (media friendly types who write and talk a lot) work for Signature Reduction, a US DoD spy agency that works to reduce the signature of the DoD on its covert ops.
As contrasted w a guy like Malone, who most likely is a CIA asset who contracts for DTRA/BARDA
Not to devalue your concerns with word/concept stealing, you would hate being an artist and watching all the theft of your work...if I wanted to I could spend hours a day going after copyright thieves. But I decided long ago to just keep creating. They can't or they would. I can.
I'm wracking my brain to come up with an example that would show the difference, but I can't. When Jay said 'Stealing that!' I answered, 'Yes, please!' When I came back and listed all the authors who'd gone on to write articles, I said, "Am I an influencer? Please tell me I am. I always wanted to be."
So I was enthusiastic about them stealing my idea and propagating it. A meme, for instance, is a pictoral idea, it expresses a concept. So what's stolen is the concept as a whole. It's only power is as a whole.
What they did was steal the words and negate their meaning. They actually were great at giving Jay credit for the invention--but even after they knew he got it from me, they couldn't bring themselves to say a woman had come up with it, or had any say in what it meant.
The example I give is regenerative agriculture. If I coined that term, I'd want people to steal the concept all day and night, no credit needed. But if Monsanto started using it for GMO crops, I'd cry foul. And funny enough, after I made up that example, they started doing it.
also, I get it about their twisting it. Twisted valor. even worse than stolen valor. It happens a lot. I'm upset for you.
'Twisted valor.' What an excellent wordsmith you are. Had you come up with tonic masculinity, it would have been entirely in character (unlike Ax Lizzie, who couldn't even come up with a better name under which to post what a kindly gent that Walz is? I can't get the stupid rhyme out of my head now.)
I wasn't saying you shouldn't be upset. At all. It just reminded me of how I used to get upset. I've made hundreds of memes and never even signed them and I see them around even years later....but it used to upset me when people stole my drawings/paintings/phrases on shirts and took my signature off. It takes so much work to get them taken down that I gave up trying. It still upsets me sometimes but too much work to fix. Maybe you should do a poem or a post and CLAIM the phrase. It's a wonderful one!
Great idea, Heather!
"What they did was steal the words and negate their meaning."
Right there, that's the true insult. It was too good not to steal, but at least treat the theft with respect.
“What they did was steal the words and negate their meaning.” That’s so wrong. And so typical. Glad you called it out! And as @HeatherB says, keep creating.
The saga continues… I think the first time I read a post of yours was you dealing with the tonic masculinity issue. The term got introduced to me by you. I like it because it reminds me of some kind of fancy drink. Stirred not iced. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. 😞
Great! We have to find another word for “viral” though. Maybe “wildfiral”
Excellent point! Slap a hashtag on that!
Tereza, I’ve really been enjoying your recent posts, though as a lurker not a commenter. But, as you might recall, I’m not a fan of dichotomies, most of which are false. (The current most obvious false dichotomy being the continued use of left and right regarding political leanings.)
The problem with tonic/toxic is that they are on a continuum. Every medicine is also a poison, depending only on the dose, and one person’s tonic is another’s poison (as some other original, unknown, unremembered word cobbler said).
Coining terms is fun and takes a lot of creativity, but it is also—outside the advertising world—generally thankless. It’s also, imho, usually not the most important thing. To put it into perspective, here’s what Perplexity tells me about “The Theory of Relativity”:
“The term "theory of relativity" was not coined by Einstein himself. According to historical records: Alfred Bucherer, a German physicist, was the first to use the phrase "theory of relativity" (German: Relativitätstheorie) in 1906. He used this term while criticizing Einstein's ideas.”
How many of us remember Bucherer?
Jack, it's good to know that you're still lurking! And since you've said that you only comment when your opinion differs, I take your silence as a compliment ;-)
You and I agree about dichotomies. If you look at the 'address' for my Substack emails, it's 'between the false dichotomies.'
You know I'm all about definitions. How I define toxic is superiority, something that's not medicinal or healing in any quantity, imo. The Brofest Boys define tonic masculinity as superiority--being more intelligent, principled, stronger and capable than women. I think you read many of these at the time, but the last couple will refresh your memory if you think my gripe is merely using my term. They used it as a negation of toxic masculinity, rebranding it. If you have another word for that superiority (if you agree that's what it is) I recommend that you translate into a term with less baggage for you than toxic. It's why the definitions of what someone means by their language is so important, so we can keep the concepts but translate the words.
My definition of tonic masculinity is an entirely different paradigm of society, restructured with raising children as the priority, the reason we exist. It sees women as fundamentally different than men only in their capacity to be mothers--which is NOT analogous to a father, again imo. So Tonic Masculinity, by my definition, is supportive to women in their role of caring for children. It's not the absence of superiority to women, it's an active decision that women are, by their biology, irrevocably closer to the function of our lives and purpose of our societies. All our philosophies, religions, politics and culture is to obscure this self-evident point.
That was the revolutionary thing that CFE had said in his piece on I Like to Fight. I now recognize it was bullshit in terms of his purpose. But his talent is using truth and turning it into ephemeral platitudes. I created the term to express this concept, so we could talk about it.
Interesting about Einstein and Bucherer. I've been reading things that call Einstein into question too. So his theft of the term from his critic (an apt comparison to CFE & me) may show a generalization that 'great artists steal' is as stupid as 'charity begins at home' and 'the road to hell is paved with good intentions.'
You may enjoy some or all of my reply to Jack...Einstein & Feynman are in da house today.
Dr. Lee Merritt has a short clip that might interest you about Einstein...the Einstein part starts at about 3:00, just after a short part about John Enders, who was the first one to supposedly 'isolate' a virus. Like me, she is more impressed by Richard Feynman, so I'm posting a couple of funny Feynman clips after her clip on The Frontmen.
https://rumble.com/v4pwro6-watch-the-frontmen.html?e9s=src_v1_ucp
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X8aWBcPVPMo
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t-jpH1ue6Zs
Tonic Masculinity is a perfect phrase, the way YOU put it forward. And you are so good at that. I can only imagine what it feels like to hear your brilliant ideas being bandied about and used in the opposite way in which you intended. #poeticinjustice, INDEED.I often want to say something I read before but I cannot remember who said it, so I will say that when I say it. Or I will try to figure out who it was, or I leave it out............I can understand "forgetting" and having a great new phrase in your head. It happens to me all the time, but in this case it's a little more clear that you are just being excluded. He was just acting like he thought of it himself. ".........I like to coin, tonic masculinity".
Thanks so much for that, Amy. Yes, I have the same thing. I remember that one of my early readers (Lindsey?) coined socio-spirituality to describe what I was doing. Sometimes I give anonymous credit and other times I don't but I always know I didn't come up with it.
When Jay Rollins first wrote, "Stealing that," rather than asking permission (as I often do with phrases I want to use), I should have taken him literally instead of thinking that was a figure of speech. Instead of strengthening the idea by sharing it, he meant to appropriate the phrase.
What occurred to me this morning is that I'm the first woman, to my knowledge, to have come up with the phrase tonic masculinity. While the term toxic masculinity was certainly coined by a woman and is used almost exclusively by women to name a collection of behaviors that hitherto had no term to encapsulate it. To women, including myself, toxic masculinity exists. I define it as an assumed superiority to women. The BroFest Boys demonstrated it in spades.
Their use of the term was a negation that toxic masculinity doesn't exist, and is just an invention of bitter, ugly, hostile women. For them, tonic masculinity is how men treat men.
To strengthen the idea of tonic masculinity I think requires women writing about partners, ex-partners, fathers, sons, brothers, friends. It's identifying the qualities that we love about men, that make us feel safe and seen and appreciated. It's what makes you melt with pride in your sons, and the way you've taught them to be with women.
I'd love to see you write what you think is tonic masculinity, Amy.
I have been thinking about this. I will get back to you on it. It's a lovely thing to think about. I will share some thoughts. I am traveling at high speeds these days. About to settle back in here in the next two weeks. I will be making more appearances here very soon.
I'm in no hurry ... ever. I'm encouraged that you're thinking about it and that it's lovely to think about. I'm thinking about a back porch project and picking colors. Just your existence made me think that perhaps the cement half-wall to the yard didn't need to be one color. Maybe it could be marblish. Having named this The Art House gives me free rein. Wheee!!!
The ART HOUSE! I love that. YES, it can be so many things! :) Haha. I am honored that my existence plays in when you are thinking about enjoying your space :) *bows
Here's the link so you can see what I mean: https://www.airbnb.com/rooms/868849105161693609
Ah! I love your porch and your kitchen table area, all the patterns and warm colors and wood are nice. I love those little art figures too. I turned one into a robot to go along with a painting I had in a show called "Robot Love." I will snap a picture of her later and share it in notes and tag you on it. They are a lot of fun.
Tereza, I wanted to say the other day when I first watched this that you should trademark Tonic Masculinity. Then you could just write TM™️ (by TZC).
Hahaha! I was looking again at your build back bitter tonic on this episode, and it was making me laugh all over again! https://thirdparadigm.substack.com/p/disagreeable-women
I need to make a label for TM™️… I will! If you’re going to do a new piece on TM™️, you can use it for that. ✨
I do plan to do a positive piece on TM, maybe while I'm in Maryland. You're in exotic places already, yes?
Yes, in good ol’ Blighty 🇬🇧. I guess some might call that exotic :)
CHARLES FUCKING EISENSTEIN! YER KILLIN' ME :-))
here is some for you
https://planetwavesfm.substack.com/p/rfk-jr-drops-out-of-presidential
“The story made emotional contact with people’s need to have their suspicions confirmed, and found a home with their preexisting belief that they had been duped,” the Harvard-educated New Age guru told reporters gathered in Kingston, New York on Thursday morning.
“When you want to sell someone something, you have to work with what they are already carrying around,” Eisenstein said. “You pack it with some existing baggage and then you get a result. They carry it for you, like a bell boy.”
Excellent, Eric! What I heard from someone who knew him back then was that Charles was a kombucha vendor at festivals. What this guy observed is that he didn't mingle with the other vendors, and kept to himself, seeming to think himself superior.
I don't know if you saw this one: https://thirdparadigm.substack.com/p/deep-fakes-eisenstein-and-rfk. And you might like this one on Cosmology, for Amy's AI art if nothing else: https://thirdparadigm.substack.com/p/cosmology-and-the-course.
And I did this one mentioning you. It was the Cormorant, Richard, who alerted me to you: https://thirdparadigm.substack.com/p/the-horus-gamos.
Thanks for subbing me, Eric!
And just before anyone else thinks of claiming it, I'm claiming #ginandtonicmasculinity to mean those without much masculinity such as our friend Charles...
I will (and did) give it to the Brofest Boys that they are fine writers. Harrison Koehli wrote this one, with the homage to John Carter, and playing on the gin and tonic reference: https://ponerology.substack.com/p/what-is-a-man?
I just don't know if I can insult that fine cocktail with the comparison, although I prefer my gin in an up dirty martini with an olive and a twist. I think our friend Charles is flat Fanta orange soda rebranded as non-alcoholic kombucha for the sober-curious. (and I stole that last phrase from Nancy Friedman to be not hypocritical)
Dammit! though I did coin that phrase in 1970